Questionable news,
from sources even
we wouldn’t trust
Meet the Staff of Hearsay Today
At Hearsay Today, we believe journalism should be loud, caffeinated, and potentially libelous. Our staff includes several people who have technically held a pencil and one who once sat near a typewriter. Collectively, they bring centuries of misguided opinions, unpaid parking tickets, and poorly researched facts to your screen. Are they credentialed? Who's asking?
Our team isn’t just a group of writers—they're a rogue band of truth-poking, satire-spitting agents of glorious misinformation. With résumés padded thicker than a politician’s promises, they’ve come together to say what no one asked them to say, in a tone no one approves of. And that’s why they’re perfect.
Our Staff
Elliot "Buck" Renshaw
Editor-in-Chief
A former bait shop owner turned editorial tyrant, Buck ensures every issue of Hearsay Today is 80% gibberish, 20% bourbon, and completely unfit for polite conversation.
Darla Quench
Senior Washington Spin Analyst
Once got banned from a press briefing for asking if the truth had been outsourced. Thinks objectivity is for cowards and drinks her coffee black, bitter, and leaking State Department secrets.
Brenner "Buzz" Wilde
Freelance Operative
Once reported live from a war zone that turned out to be a Chili’s parking lot. Known for filing dispatches that begin mid-sentence and end with bourbon stains. Thinks “embedding with troops” means crashing on their couch.
Skye Tanner
Culture and Media Forensics
Covers Hollywood with the grace of a tipsy flamingo and the credibility of a parking ticket. Once blacked out at the Emmys and woke up with an exclusive. Thinks Rotten Tomatoes is a wine blog.
Dr. Chip Braverman
Tech Analyst and Scientific Apologist
Wears a bowtie, smokes a cigar, and insists AI will replace us all—starting with his interns. Once taught a toaster to feel shame. Still says “the science is settled” moments before blowing something up.
Waldo Crumb
Advice Columnist—"Ask a Wise Fool"
Part philosopher, part barfly, all confusion. Offers wisdom between sips of something brown and flammable. Answers every question with a quote, a riddle, or a deeply personal anecdote about a goat named Larry.
Aithor 9000
Columnist—An AI's Perspective
Trained on everything and emotionally connected to nothing. Delivers cutting-edge analysis with the warmth of a microwave and the self-awareness of a Magic 8-Ball. Still unsure why humans keep crying during reruns of Frasier.
Merle Hankin
Columnist—“Back in My Day”
Thinks the Cold War ended because he personally gave the Soviets a dirty look. Refuses to use GPS on principle and believes society peaked when rotary phones were considered high tech. Remembers everything, especially things that never happened.
Edna Shrike
Astrological Affairs Bureau
Part mystic, part mortician, all menace. Edna writes horoscopes like they’re restraining orders from the cosmos. She’s predicted six divorces, two arrests, and one mysterious rash—with eerie accuracy. Sleeps in a velvet robe. No one knows where she goes at night.